


Coming Back to You

by charmainders



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, Growing Up, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, High School Musical References, Light Angst, M/M, Moving On, Photographs, Post-Break Up, Reminiscing, Repressed Memories, Song Lyrics, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:26:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27351931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charmainders/pseuds/charmainders
Summary: Suga realizes, as he looks through the trinkets in his shoebox, that he misses someone and has only one shot at trying to patch up his lost time with this one person. As much as he fears it, he hopes that he hasn't moved on, because Suga knows he can't lose them again.Not again.He would be foolish to do so.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Kudos: 22





	Coming Back to You

**Author's Note:**

> > Sucking in a breath, he took out the small trinkets - small gacha toys, keychains of various interests including volleyball, train tickets between prefectures from when he was younger, a medal from a recent ceremony celebrating the top students, a book his mother had sent him in the mail, souvenirs from their trips to the various schools and places for their volleyball competitions, and a small stacks of photographs. 
> 
> haikyuu angst week 2020, day three tiers one and three: photographs & "i can't lose you too." 

Tokyo University, early spring, nine in the evening.

It’s almost pulling to the end of the semester, and Suga has finally finished the last of his exams, meaning he’s free to do whatever he wants. As he opened the door to the apartment, he dropped his books and sat on the bed in his room, sighing. His roommate wasn’t in for the day since they still had exams on going, and wanted to study in the study hall with access to research information. It meant he pretty much had the dorm to himself.

Suga decided on cleaning out the dust on the shelves and floors so he could feel better about skipping chores the week before since he had been so busy studying, so he got out the cleaning things from the bathroom, reached for a towel, and started cleaning his room.

For the next hour or so, it was quiet, only filled with humming as he cleaned, but he stopped at his bedside drawer. He opened the drawer with a shaky hand, biting his lip - he knew what was in there, memories he had wanted to hide because he was either too embarrassed or it was too much to think about. Dropping the dirty floor wipe in the trash, he sat down at his table, turned his table lamp on, and opened the small shoebox of things that he hadn’t looked at for a long time.

Sucking in a breath, he took out the small trinkets - small gacha toys, keychains of various interests including volleyball, train tickets between prefectures from when he was younger, a medal from a recent ceremony celebrating the top students, a book his mother had sent him in the mail, souvenirs from their trips to the various schools and places for their volleyball competitions, and a small stacks of photographs. 

He placed the rest of his things back in the box and placed it away, then picking up the photographs, removing it from the protective casing it had been set in. It was still in fairly good condition, some of the polaroids in the pack slightly faded from his childhood, while some of the newer polaroids were still brightly coloured. Some of the photos were considerably embarrassing and he never wants to let it be seen by anyone, so he had made sure to bring it with him so his parents never found it. Baby photos with his parents, a photo of him as a toddler at a festival, his first day of elementary, middle and high school respectively, and the first time he went to the volleyball in his black and orange jersey.

A few of the photos brought back rather sweet memories, smiling as he reminisced. One of them was the first time he’d gone to the yearly lantern festival by himself with middle school friends. They’d gone wild, buying lots of food and running around like wild chicken, taking the small rides that had been set up. The highlight of the festival had been the viking ship ride, one that seemed to scare a lot of people and thrill the adrenaline junkies. Suga had yelled his heart out, exhausted and needing more food after, but he’d enjoyed it so much that he went home in fits of laughter, unable to sleep that night.

Another photo caught his sight, and he raised it to inspect it - _ah,_ the first time they’d gone to the prefecture games in first-year. Everyone had been excited, sleepless the night before as they chattered about team strategies. Other teams like Seijoh and Date Tech had been the talk on everyone’s lips, but everyone had high hopes on Karasuno too. So losing that game and the chance to advance towards Nationals stung more than it probably should have, but they resolved to working harder the following year. No point harping on the complacency.

He looks at the rest of the photos, thinking back to a time when he had last seen everyone; the team had felt like home. Now that he was two hours away from home, he found himself missing them more and more everyday and even if he could return home, he was too busy too often and always found excuses not to during the semester breaks. 

Suga laughs at some of the photos - some of the first years running after each other, Yachi being showered with love by basically everyone in the club, Tanaka and Noya fishing at one of their club outings to the beach. He remembered each and every event, stored in a special place in his heart, only with a very special key could he dig it back up. 

It’s then that his eyes fall on the sight of one particular photo, _clear as day,_ memory fresh in his mind as he picks it up. Their smiles, his and Daichi’s, bright and almost like the sun, one arm around each other as the rest of the team ran wild in the back on the beach. He had his lips pressed to Daichi’s cheek, his skin so soft, almost like silk, he still remembers how nice it was to hold Daichi this close. The familiar ache in his heart and his muscles returns, stinging a little too close. He puts the photo back in the box, trying not to get upset as he thinks about an easier time that both of them had together.

 _When did it all change?_ He tried not to dwell on it too much when they parted ways, knowing it was for the best because Suga just wasn’t sure if long-distance could work for two people who lived on touches and kisses. _He loved Daichi, he really did._ He’s been in love with the boy since they were fifteen, spending lunch side by side, encouraging each other, falling asleep in each others’ arms at eighteen when they slept over, kissing under the stars, letting their dreams bring them to where they wanted.

With soft sniffles and hastily wiped tears, he takes his phone out and looks through the photos, knowing that if he did this, he would _never_ find closure, but he just needed something to hold onto, even if it meant trying to stay in the past. He scrolled through the many photos, clicking on some of them - some of them stirred memories that were sweet, just the two of them as they went shopping, some of them when they hung out, and some casual ones when they took photos of themselves. 

But one of them all stood out the most, was one of them at the lantern festival in senior year, with the two of them wearing matching yukatas. They had made plans and rented similar blue ones, and together with the team, they walked around and enjoyed the festivities of the night. They shared their skewers of food, played games like toss the ring and shooting balloons, and on top of them all, Daichi had won them both a bear each that Suga kept on his bed. 

As the night grew on, one thing was for sure that they would do together - with their brushes, they wrote on their shared lantern their wish for the future, _to stay together forever._ Yachi had been taking photos the whole night, so Suga had spent the last few minutes looking at the picture of them lifting the lantern, courtesy of Yachi. Their lantern was blue like their yukatas, and their hands around each others’ waists, watching the lanterns as they rose into the night sky towards the moon, the stars twinkling softly as the lanterns decorated the darkness.

Suga stared at the photos for just a bit more, before letting out a choked sob and flipping his phone over and sobbing into his hands. He missed the way Daichi held him, the way his hands felt on his skin, how their fingers intertwined, how Daichi kissed him like a cloud. As much as he had tried to forget it all, he found himself craving and wanting it again, his fingers feeling lost in the emptiness. He wasn’t sure anymore, how he had fought back everything he wanted so he could let Daichi go.

* * *

“Suga, were you ever going to talk to me about this?” Daichi had asked him one night as they were in the middle of a date at his house, eating the ramen he had cooked. Suga glanced up from his already finished bowl of noodles and glanced at the letter, the one from Tokyo University, its crest embossed proudly on the top in red ink. Suga knew what it had been - a month ago, the university had offered a scholarship and an early start to him. He had put his agreement on hold, unsure at the last minute that he was going to send a reply. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Only thing was, even if Suga wanted it badly, the scholarship for children’s education, half of his heart still remained in Miyagi, and _obviously,_ a bit of it remained with Daichi. He had contemplated other things, like staying for a year and taking a break, build their relationship until it was stable enough and they could last the distance. Suga didn’t cope well with change, never did, never liked the idea of moving on. But now that Daichi had found the letter, Suga _knew_ they couldn’t avoid not talking about it.

Suga took a shaky breath, keeping his eyes on the bowl in front of him. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he shrugged it off, but he knew Daichi wasn’t a fool.

“A scholarship in children’s education. Suga, that’s huge. Why haven’t you told me anything?” Daichi took the letter out of its folder, and opened it, eyes skimming over it. _“We invite you to join us early so that you may settle in, and we can begin scholarship classes for budding minds like yours._ Suga, this is your dream, you were always looking forward to this moment. You _need_ to go.” 

_I’ve been trying to find it in me to tell you, but I just haven’t been able to find the courage,_ Suga winces to himself, biting his lip when he feels the rising ache at the back of his throat.

As the silence grew between them, Suga rubbed his eyes to hold it all in, brushing his hair back. “What if I don’t go?” he asked softly, arms in front of him on the table as he leaned forward. His eyes were pleading, wide yet weak as he looked at the expression in Daichi’s eyes. “What if...what if I stayed? We’ve barely been together for long, maybe a year at best, and I just know that if we split so soon...I’m not sure if we can hold on.”

He could see how surprised Daichi had been at the sudden confession, and shakes his head, moving to Suga’s side and kneeling down so they could be honest, no barriers. “You can’t just stay here and not chase that dream that’s been in your heart for so long, Suga,” he whispers, hand on Suga’s arm, “I know we love each other, isn’t _that_ enough?”

Suga is still internally pleading, wishing Daichi wasn’t so eager in letting him go. _At least fight for me to stay! Why are you letting me go so easily?_ “I know we do.” he nods, tearing up more, wishing it was easier to talk about something about their future like this. “I just...I just wish it would all slow down. I just want to breathe, not have to feel so suffocated. I never did well with change, it seems,” Suga laughed at his own words, pressing the heels of his palms to his eyes and taking a long breath. He didn’t want their date to end like this, on such a negative note.

Daichi laughs sadly along with him, pulling Suga’s hands away from his face and wiping at the stray tears. “I know.” he leaned in to give Suga a gentle kiss, then pulling back as he stroked his cheek with his thumb, travelling to his hair. “We’re eighteen, young and about to graduate. After this, nothing’s going to slow down. It’s going to happen whether we like it or not. As much as I don’t want to be apart, I know it’s only in due time that it will have to happen.” 

Suga forces a smile, closing his eyes slowly as he pressed his forehead to his. “I’m not good with goodbyes, walking away and letting go. I don’t want to be apart from you.”

 _“I know.”_ Daichi returned, letting Suga bring him into a tight hug, tears flowing and nothing else to say. What else was there that Suga could even say? His boyfriend wanted him to go, and Suga’s life depended on this. If he didn’t go, he could stay, be with Daichi and put off his degree. But he knew Daichi wouldn’t like it, and it made the tears come faster.

* * *

It seemed like that night was the catalyst for their split. Suga couldn’t find it in him to pull Daichi down after five months in Tokyo University, citing that he was too busy and he hated holding off on going home every month because of projects. Despite the calls they tried to make and the nights they spent together over call, it never seemed like enough. Gradually as things got more hectic for Suga with school, and with Daichi’s training at the firefighting academy, it was only a matter of time that they would agree that they should go their separate ways. 

Thus why Suga had hardly been home since he left Miyagi, except for the new year and Christmas period. Even then, he had tried to avoid going to class reunions during the festive seasons, and as much as it hurt him, he knew it was for the best so he could learn to distance himself. From what Kageyama told him, Daichi would always ask if Suga was going to be there, and he would fall a lot more silent during their gatherings when he knew Suga wouldn’t be there.

**_I’ve got to let it go, start protecting my heart and soul;_ **  
**_‘Cause I don’t think I’ll survive, a goodbye again, not again._ **

Suga glanced at the photo that he had returned to the box, mind swirling with all the thoughts he wished he had said all those nights ago.

_He needed to see Daichi again. Even if it was for the closure._

The clock read eleven. 

He knew what he needed to do.

_Even if this was a last chance, he couldn’t lose him. Not like this._

* * *

The next morning, Suga found himself on the bullet train from Tokyo to Sendai station. He’d made a call to his mother the night before, requesting to buy a ticket both ways. She wondered why he was making such a sudden trip home, and Suga lied that he just wanted to return home to see everyone again because he hadn’t been home in a while, having given up going home on new year’s because he had been too busy with school.

He wondered if Daichi was still the same person - warm, friendly, loving, kind. It was all the tiny things that he did that made Suga love him, want him still even after the three years apart. He can feel the itch in his fingers that he associates with touching Daichi on his cheek, the ache around his waist when he remembers how delicately Daichi holds him at night when they sleepover. As the train went by and the view changed from the bustling city to the evergreen, he found himself steadily hoping that he could get to tell Daichi what he wanted to, all the things left unsaid that he wanted to get off his chest.

Even if it meant just one last time, Suga wanted the chance to finally tell him what he had been holding in his heart since that night when Daichi found the letter.

As he fell asleep for that short duration of his trip, he dreamt of the sweeter things, the little memories locked away that felt sweet on his tongue like candy. He thinks about how they would share popcorn at the movies, the way they shared one meat bun after training, and the nights they would spend at each others’ houses, looking at stars.

* * *

His mother had driven her way to get him from the station, and for the most of the hour that they were in the car, they talked about how he had been in school - busy, tired, overworked. Both of them laughed and bonded, taking Suga’s mind off the impending thoughts about talking to Daichi in the evening. He knew Daichi would be home on the weekend, but he was trying to put it off as long as he could to avoid having to do it in case he got cold feet. 

But as the night approached, he knew he had to eventually do it. So he excused himself from the house, citing he was going for a walk, put on a cardigan (it wasn’t that cold, so he could manage with a knitted cardigan) and his blue scarf. It still smelled like Daichi from the few times he had sacrificed his scarf so Daichi could keep warm, and Suga liked it that way on his worst days. It felt like a coping mechanism, to forget the painful past. 

As he walked the familiar, dimly lit road down to Daichi’s house, he prepared his aching heart to say the words he could never get out that day. _Did Daichi still feel the same way? Would it be embarrassing? What if Daichi didn’t want anything to do with him?_

Sooner than he had liked, he stood outside his house, opening the front gate and walking in. He hesitated for a second, almost turning back around to run off, but it seemed like fate had it in for him - there Daichi stood, in his off-duty uniform, stunned to see Suga too.

 _“Koshi?”_

_“Daichi.”_

Both of them stand there, too stunned to make a first move, but Suga closes the gap between their feet and runs into Daichi’s arms, face immediately buried into neck as he tried to calm himself from crying, but to no avail. Under the night sky, he finally felt the ache go away even if it was just a few seconds. All the words he wanted to say that night, all conveyed by one hug and the tiny sob that leaves his throat midway through. 

_“I’m sorry.”_ he whispers, “I should have tried harder to hold onto you, to love you...I still do, always have, always will. Please, just listen to me.” he moves to let go of Daichi, arms hugging himself as they face each other again. “That night...when you convinced me to go to Tokyo, I don’t think I’ve ever heard my inner voice speak so loudly before, wanting you to tell me to stay. If you loved me, why would you let me go so easily?” he chokes through faint sobs, trying to keep it all together in his desperation. “I know we let each other go, six months after I left for Tokyo, but last night...looking at our photos…” he sighs, hanging his head now before he looks back at Daichi.

“I understand if you’ve moved on, found someone new, and you don’t want any more of it. But the other bit of me, the half of my better conscience and my selfish side keeps screaming at me to do something.” his breath is shaky, and he can see Daichi’s eyes fill with tears, too. “I’ve lost nights of sleep trying to think of what we could’ve been. I’ve been regretting so many things, like not holding on and at least trying to do something.” 

He braces himself for what he tries to say next. _“I can’t lose you too.”_

_There it is._

Daichi seems stunned at the long train of words he’d said, probably also surprised that Sugua had turned up at his doorstep. But he just laughs, almost like the melodic tune of the ocean, as he drops his bag by the gate and letting his feet take instinct. “Fuck it,” he hears Daichi swear; Suga's eyes widening before he can truly register that Daichi was now kissing him, arms around his waist, holding him so close like a lifeline. Suga embraced the moment, letting the kiss continue, and how he finally has the closure to his regrets.

 _“I still love you._ I always have. What makes you think I wouldn’t want this?” Daichi whispers between kisses, laughing more as he carries Suga into his arms, now making the both of them laugh as Daichi reaches to grab his bag and open the door. As soon as they’re inside, Daichi brings them to the couch, and they lay there together, cuddling in the embrace for the first time in years. The familiarity is so comforting, and the way Daichi kisses him is so intoxicating. Suga finally knows he hasn’t lost the person he loved most. 

They don’t speak much that night, only silently agreeing that whatever they wanted to sort out, they’d talk about it in the morning. It could wait. For now, nothing else mattered, just the two of them against the world beyond them, the doors once shut were now opened.

In the morning when Suga finally gets up, he thinks about how he probably should be going so he can get ready to head back home before he leaves the following morning. But as he gets out of Daichi’s bed, he feels his cardigan get tugged on, and he turns around to see his partner awake, hair messy from the night and his grin loopy with sleep. Suga’s heart melts as he sits beside him again, unwilling to leave, too. They kiss, cuddle more, giggle, let their bodies curl around each other, make small talk, all of it still natural like it has always been. And when they finally stop after, Daichi brushes at Suga’s hair, tucks it neatly behind his ear, the back of his fingers tickling at his cheek. He can hear the whisper that follows. _“Stay,"_ his voice deep and raspy, "Just one more night.” he hears the plea, and as much as he has to leave, he knows he can’t say no to that innocent smile.

So he stays.

* * *

_Sendai station, a year later._

Suga’s feet make contact with the familiar floor of the station, searching through the sea of faces. For the time of the year they were in, the station was somewhat crowded, presumably from the flood of students that were moving back from their dorms to their homes. Suga was one of them, too, lugging two suitcases with him filled with tiny souvenirs he’d gotten at the Tokyo station before he left that place for good. 

Today marked the day that his life was about to take on a new path - he would move back to Miyagi, begin his career as a teacher in the upcoming school term there at one of the many elementary schools. He was looking forward to the fun and the new venture in his life, but more importantly, his heart was ready for another part of the path.

_“Koshi!”_

As soon as he heard the voice, the one that sounded like the prettiest harmony, he turned to see where the source had come from, and without a second thought he ran so fast and grabbed onto the person he’d been looking for, his one and only home. He held him tight, legs around his waist, clinging onto him for dear life, and almost crying between laughs. He’d missed his smell, his arms, how he kissed Suga on the cheeks with so much affection, and how his laugh brightened up the darkest of days.

It felt so good to be somewhere familiar again. For how long the ride had been, coming back to this was worth it all. 

He wishes he could take a photograph of them in that moment; smiles brighter than the sun, happy to come home to each other. _A photograph of the past and a simple promise of forever, a metaphor of their lives to come._

**Author's Note:**

> finally, an angst piece i've written that has no trigger warnings! all my angst pieces always has a happy ending, so you're in good hands hehehehe.
> 
> thank you for reading! i will continue to post for the angst week, do follow me on twitter (@/SUGAWARAVITY) to keep updated!
> 
> song used is _Walk Away_ by vanessa hudgens as gabriella montez in high school musical 3: senior year.
> 
> x char


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